A question of trust
by Filia Venatoris
Summary: This is for Shani 8. She reqested a sequel of my story "Doubts and fears" and really got me inspired, even though it came out far angstier than I intended. Thank you anyway. Set after "The time of the wolf". Marion is back in Sherwood but nothing's as it used to be. Thanks to my lovliest sister for beta reading (even though she still doesn't even like Huntingdon). Please do R & R.
**A question of trust**

 _(Set shortly after „Coming home")_

For a long time now Robin had sat at the river bank throwing twigs into the water idly watching them being taken away by the current. He was glad that none of his friends had come looking for him so far. There were so many things he had to think about. He needed time on his own. And yet he couldn't concentrate, his thoughts kept returning to Marion. She had been back in Sherwood Forest for over a month now. Back with them. Back with him. He should be rejoicing. Instead he sat here doubting his destiny, his feelings, his love. No, not his love. Just his… he couldn't tell.

He sighed deeply.

Slowly a deep red spring sun set behind Sherwood.

He heard steps approaching, heavy steps and this typical wheezing. Tuck.

The former monk nodded to Robin sitting beside him. For a while both men sat there gazing out onto the water without saying a word. Robin threw another twig he had been twisting between his fingers for a while into the water.

Finally Tuck broke the silence. "I came here often, back then. When everything became too much. When I couldn't get along with myself. Or when the loneliness strangled me. A good place for contemplating."

He looked at Robin. "She told me you avoid her."

Robin nodded.

"She didn't need to tell me," Tuck said seriously. "I can see that there are things not going right between you. What is it, Robin? I thought now she's back everything should be all right."

The big man watched Robin expectantly.

Again Robin sighed. Everybody expected answers from him when he barely knew the question.

At last he pulled himself together for an answer. "I don't know, Tuck. I know, I should be rejoicing. Marion and I should have been married by now, but…" He broke off staring out onto the river once again.

"Anyway it can't go on like this," said Tuck earnestly. "Our life is far too dangerous to allow that such a tension develops between you."

Suddenly grinning he looked at Robin.

"If this was about Will and John I would suggest them to beat each other up soundly. Do you want me to suggest this to you, too?"

Robin smiled crookedly at him. "This doesn't seem to be a bad idea concerning Will and John."

Again they gazed at the river for a while without saying anything. That was one thing that Robin especially liked in Tuck. He was good company to talk, but he was also good company to stay silent.

At the same time Robin got increasingly angry at himself. A lack of confidence had never been his problem, and yet he sensed that this was his problem this time.

He could confess to Tuck, he didn't have to be embarrassed.

At last he confessed: "I'm afraid, Tuck!"

He didn't look at the monk. Instead, he gazed out onto the water, studying intently the way the waves hit the shore. Tuck suppressed a smile remembering a conversation like this.

He knew Robin was better at expressing things that really moved him without having to look at the person he was talking to.

Robin said: "When she went away it almost broke me. I don't ever want to go through something like that again."

Finally he looked at Tuck. "Can you understand?"

The other man nodded. "I understand quite well, Robin. Your trust in her is shattered. You need time to rebuild it."

Tuck fell silent, contemplating.

"You should talk about it," he finally said.

Robin shook his head. "How could I possibly tell her that I can't be with her now when she has just been back for such a short time?"

Very quietly he added: "I don't want her to go. I don't want to hurt her."

Now it was Tuck's turn to sigh. A really hard to solve situation. "But as it is now you hurt each other a bit more every day, don't you?"

"But there's nothing I can do about it, Tuck!" said Robin fiercely.

Again both men fell silent for a while.

"Shall I go and fetch her?" Tuck finally asked.

Robin didn't answer at once. Did he want to talk to Marion now? Was this really the right time? The answer was no. He would have dearly liked to postpone as far into the future as possible. Perhaps all his problems would have solved themselves by then.

Even so he finally gazed out onto the water and nodded. Tuck nodded, too, patted Robin's shoulder, stood up and went away.

Robin rested his elbows on his knees burying his face in his hands.

Marion's steps in the grass were so soft that he almost missed them. Suddenly she stood next to him waiting. She stood there for a long time.

Finally she said: "Tuck told me you wanted to see me."

Robin said nothing. Carefully she knelt next to him, placing her hand delicately on his shoulder.

"Won't you tell me what it is?" she asked gently.

He shook his head, his face still buried in his hands. "I can't," he admitted.

Abruptly Marion stood up. Disappointment was written in her face.

"Robin, you know I love you, but I won't beg," she said turning to go.

"Don't go! Stay, please!" he called softly.

Without having realized it he suddenly was on his feet, too.

She turned around again.

"Why didn't you wait for me, then?" he asked.

Marion closed her eyes, her face distorting in pain for a moment.

"Robin, you were dead," she said.

"But I promised!" he said urgently.

"You were dead! You were there in the ring of the nine maidens, cold and dead!" Marion cried.

Robin urged on: "But I had given you my word! I keep my promises!" He, too, had raised his voice now.

"Dammit, Robin, you were dead. You lay there. There are things even you can't change! Robin promised to Much he would come back and he didn't!" Marion yelled at him.

Robin burst out bitterly: "Heroic Robin of Loxley. The one who couldn't do wrong! The hero! Me, I can't even manage to stay dead when I should be!"

She slapped him in the face. Hard. He licked his lips and tasted blood.

Marion struck out for a second blow but he caught her hand, holding her wrist tightly.

"Let go of me!" she demanded desperately trying to free herself from his grip.

With his left hand Robin tore open his jerkin and his shirt, and then he pressed Marion's palm on his chest directly over his heart.

"I breathe, my skin's warm, my heart beats," he cried, "and nothing in this world or beyond it could hinder me from coming back to you!"

For some heartbeats everything was silent. Without moving Robin and Marion stood facing each other, staring at each other, her hand still pressed on his heart.

Suddenly she flew towards him, crawling her hands into his hair, pulling his head towards her, kissing him like there was no tomorrow. Desperately they clung to each other, couldn't get enough.

Robin knew, if he took Marion now she wouldn't say no. Quite the opposite. And he wanted her! He wanted her so much it hurt.

Instead he broke their kiss whispering in her ear: "Why didn't you trust me?"

And suddenly the moment was gone.

Again they stood facing each other, both a bit dishevelled, both breathing heavily.

Then Marion turned away staring out onto the river.

Robin cursed himself while trying to regain control over his body. But he was sure, had they given in now they both would have regretted it some day.

He stepped behind Marion holding her gently by the shoulders leaning her against him.

She laid her right hand on his left.

"I was so afraid," she admitted silently. "It was dark and I was alone and I was so afraid for you. Then there was this nightmare. I had seen the things Gulnar could do before."

She turned around burying her face in Robin's chest. Almost without realizing it his arms closed around her.

She whispered: "Sometimes I just want to run away with you. Lock us up somewhere nobody can find us. Some place where we are safe and never leave this place again."

Robin sighed. He could understand her. Their life was a dangerous one. Every day one of them could die. He, too, would love to keep everything dangerous in this world away from her. But he couldn't.

Still without looking at him she asked: "What will become of us now?"

Silently he said: "I don't know. I would entrust you with my life without a moment's thought but I can not entrust you with my heart now. Not like I used to do."

He felt her taking a deep breath and tensing. It hurt having to hurt her but he was absolutely serious when he said: "But I will try!"


End file.
